you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
