How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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