Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Don't make out with my wife yet
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
