...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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