the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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