Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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