i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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