Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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