Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
