Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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