Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
