Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
So much rum. So many feels.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
