Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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