he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
