You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
this beer tastes like vomit already
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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