The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
