Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
