You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
