a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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