kristin has been a bad kristin
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
