a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
