I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
