Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
