You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
