Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
