I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
