D3 body, D1 cock
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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