I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize