btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
