you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
