My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
