How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
