I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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