My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
