After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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