I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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