Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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