just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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