I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
