I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
