Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
