I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
