hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Randomize
