My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
