smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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