i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
