Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
