I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
