Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
