My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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