well I can't set my house on fire every night
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
