I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
