I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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