oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
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I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize