he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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