Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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