Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
