You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
