you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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