dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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