My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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