Umm I'm too high to move.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
