So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
