at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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