she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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