The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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