This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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