Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
