and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
