so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
