Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
