Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
