omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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