What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
